Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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