You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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