Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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