Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
