I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do vagina's smell?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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