maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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