Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.