Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.