Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.