allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
