It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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