Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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