I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
