If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I deserve this hangover.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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