K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
