You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
