How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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