Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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