I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
