STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
