IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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