1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
