I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
