thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
