did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
