You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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