why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
