I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
