we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
