tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
