hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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