I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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