Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
