Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
