Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
