She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
