My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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