I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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