There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
