I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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