I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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