He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
