booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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