legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
