i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
