I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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