I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk is not a location!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.