Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.