Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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(609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl

Replies (67) Good night (2797) Bad night (477)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

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(615): my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap. http://tfl.nu/2c94

Replies (27) Good night (4238) Bad night (747)
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(813): View more from Florida

either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

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(813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289

Replies (7) Good night (4219) Bad night (815)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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(952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62

Replies (17) Good night (6388) Bad night (976)
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(310): View more from California

I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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(310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s

Replies (15) Good night (7745) Bad night (835)
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(586): View more from Michigan

so how was last night?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

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(586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa

Replies (21) Good night (10327) Bad night (1110)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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(205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl

Replies (50) Good night (2385) Bad night (7776)
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(619): View more from California

Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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(619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0

Replies (20) Good night (3413) Bad night (1697)
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(573): View more from Missouri

You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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(573): You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad. http://tfl.nu/q4da

Replies (6) Good night (2354) Bad night (1325)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.

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(847): Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring. http://tfl.nu/5gh0

Replies (3) Good night (1523) Bad night (779)
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(314): View more from Missouri

So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

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(314): So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY http://tfl.nu/g1zc

Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (331)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?

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(506): He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that? http://tfl.nu/rfrq

Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (328)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

(978): View more from Massachusetts

In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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(201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj

Replies (5) Good night (715) Bad night (463)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs

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(908): If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs http://tfl.nu/w28c

Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (299)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.

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(617): I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/2ow7

Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (226)

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