I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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