Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
