I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
