I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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