when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
