yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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