Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Say something about gay babies.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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