My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
