Don't you send me to vm
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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