I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
