She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
