I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
