Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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