I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
