I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
