Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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