i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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