Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
