youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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