where does the pee come out of this thing
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
