I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
