someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
