haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
