Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
