it was like eating out sand paper
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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