wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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