who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
