so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
