anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
